Break the Habit of Complaining with 3 Right Heart Attitudes

Life's hardships often make a person quick to complain. Serious troubles such as experiencing severe illness, losing a job, or being left by someone dearly loved are some of the examples. However, there are also “ordinary” things that can become difficulties for some people. For example, a stomachache from not having time for breakfast, the first months of adjusting to a new workplace, a child refusing to study, or leaving documents behind because of rushing.

In times like these, we usually feel sad, pressed down, and just want to give up. Not infrequently, we complain as well. But what if those complaints keep slipping out day after day, month after month, even for years? Complaining eventually becomes a habit that we do automatically every time we go through things that do not match our expectations.

So, what should we do to stop the habit of complaining?

Complaining Does Not Solve Problems

How you react in facing difficult times will determine your true quality of character. Complaining will not solve the problem; it may even make things worse. We have another choice besides complaining, namely giving thanks, because through difficult times, you can learn many things. 

A Bible figure named Job can be our example in overcoming a complaining attitude. Job was a righteous man, upright, who feared God, and turned away from evil. Yet even a person of such extraordinary character could still experience suffering so severe (Job 1). 

When I read Job's story and take in what he experienced, I sympathize with him, then reflect: Is what I am going through heavier than Job's? Do I deserve to complain?

From Job, we can learn three right heart attitudes for facing difficult times:

1. Do Not Blame God

In the opening chapter of Job, we are told how tragic that day was for him. His sons and daughters died when the house collapsed because of a mighty storm. At the same time, Job's workers were killed and all his oxen, donkeys, and camels were taken by raiders. Also, his sheep and their keepers were struck down by fire from heaven.

After hearing this report, Job grieved, but he did not sin and did not blame God.

Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head, then he fell to the ground and worshiped, saying: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD!" In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrongdoing. – Job 1: 20-22

In the time of the COVID-19 pandemic, many people lost their jobs, experienced a drop in income, and could not go on vacation. Others were going through quarantine or self-isolation, struggling to overcome their illness, or having to care for infected family members. People affected by the pandemic could easily blame circumstances, other people, or even God. 

Whenever we are about to complain, let us compare our situation with Job's. Even though he lost all his possessions and the people he loved in one day, Job did not blame God. In fact, even when his suffering was increased with a severe skin disease, Job still believed God is good. 

When someone is tempted, let him not say: "This temptation comes from God!" For God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself tempts no one. – James 1:13

Whatever bad situation you are experiencing right now, believe that God never tempts His people. Therefore, let us make the decision not to blame God.

2. Humbly Ask Friends for Help

There are times when we complain not because of the problem itself, but because we feel or assume that no one is helping us. 

The first thing we need to remember is that, in order to endure hard times, we need God's help. And, it is not merely by chance, His help often comes through the hands of other people. That helper may be our relative, friend of ours, or even someone we have just met.

When Job's three friends heard news of all the disasters that had come upon him, they each came from their own place: Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They agreed together to come and express sympathy to him and comfort him. – Job 2:11

We are told that Job had three close friends. They came at once when they heard the news of the disaster that had struck Job. Clearly, they went to Job with the intention of comforting, strengthening, and seeking a solution to the troubles that were afflicting Job.

A friend loves at all times, and becomes a brother in adversity. – Proverbs 17:17

In facing hardship, you may only be able to overcome it with the help or assistance of others, especially from friends who sympathize and care. So, rather than complaining that no one cares about you, would it not be better for you to ask for their help first?

3. Rely on God

Struggling through life's obstacles has drained all your thoughts and strength. That heavy burden tempts you to quickly lose heart. You have tried so hard, and now you have run out of strength. Let us pause for a moment while reflecting, “Have I involved God all this time, or have I only relied on my own strength?”

Then Job answered the LORD, saying, “I know that You can do all things, and no plan of Yours can be restrained. ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore, I have spoken of what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. – Job 42:1-3 (AYT)”

His conversation with God in the previous chapter (Job 41) made Job realize that he had to keep holding firmly to Him in every situation. In the end, the Lord did not disappoint Job. He enabled Job to get through all his suffering and restored his condition, even giving back twice as much as he had before.

But the Lord answered me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Life is not only about one thing—whether good or bad, sick or healthy, sad or joyful—but all of them, mixed together as one. That is why we need to rely on God always. He remains sovereign over our problems, and His love never changes. God understands the suffering you are going through; He has already proved it through the suffering and death of Jesus Christ on the cross. So, believe that His plan is surely the best.

When difficult times come, do not blame God because He is always good. Have the humility to ask for help from friends or from people who can help you. Do not forget always to rely on God, because He is the One who is sovereign and He never changes. May these three heart attitudes make you strong and not quick to complain as you face every challenge that exists.

The temptations you experience are ordinary temptations, not beyond human strength. But God is faithful, and because of that He will not allow you to be tempted beyond your strength. When you are tempted, He will also provide a way out for you, so that you can endure it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13

-