Open and Close to Your Child Entering the Teenage Years

The years when a child is entering the teenage stage can be said to be the hardest phase parents face. Active puberty hormones cause children to go through a number of physical and psychological changes, including emotional changes as well.

It is no wonder parents often find it difficult to deal with children entering this transitional age period. Your child begins to want autonomy, privacy, freedom, and the need to be independent. They can now resist, argue, and answer back with a slammed door. Every day you struggle intensely, and not rarely, arguments with your child erupt into fierce and painful battles.

As a result, your child begins to pull away from you. They become closed off; you also cannot understand them. Communication becomes a specter that makes both sides miserable.

So, how can you get your child to be open and close to you?

1. Teach a Child Who Has Made a Mistake

When your child was little, you may have been used to punishing him when he was naughty or disobedient. A spanking on the bottom (whether it is permissible or not is still debated by experts), standing in the corner of the room, or being forbidden to watch his favorite television program are some examples. But now your child is no longer a little kid. He has grown, so the way you treat him must grow too.

In this transition period, the mistakes your child makes may shock you. You may catch him smoking, drinking alcohol, using illegal drugs, watching adult entertainment channels, and starting to date.

Discipline your son, and he will give you peace, and bring delight to your soul. – Proverbs 29:17

When you discover your child's mistake, do not panic, become tense, let alone get angry and hit him. If you do that, your child will grow even farther from you, become more closed off, afraid, and unwilling to be honest.

Instead, invite your child to talk privately. Gently tell him what you saw or heard. Ask what motivated your child to do it, then open God's word to teach him. Teach the things God desires from his life. Then encourage your child to confess sin and ask forgiveness from God by praying together.

You can also tell about the mistakes you made when you were a teenager. In that way, your child will not feel judged, but instead feel accepted and close to you.

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4

2. Make Time for Just the Two of You with Your Child

When a child enters the teenage years, going out with parents is no longer attractive to him. A child will be happier spending time with friends his own age.

Therefore, it is very important to set aside special time with your child so you do not lose your connection with him. You can use this moment to have a relaxed conversation with your child. Find out how he is doing, what he wants, who his close friends are, what he does when he is with his friends, and what makes his heart happy or sad. Do it sincerely and naturally, so your child does not feel like he is being interrogated or investigated.

Find a place that makes your child comfortable sitting alone with you. When he was still in high school, my eldest child preferred talking at home. However, there are also children who like open places or public spaces. Let your child decide the location, the food, or the movie title, so that he feels he has a special place in your heart.

Whether to share a meal, watch a movie at the cinema, travel, or talk about the days when you were his age, make the best use of that quality time. This togetherness can help you become closer to your child.

Make the most of the time, because these days are evil. – Ephesians 5:16 “But, I am very busy.” Perhaps you have missed time with your children when they were little. Maybe all this time you have been busy with work and ministry yours. It’s okay. This time, you must not lose the opportunity again. Before it is too late, spend your time with your child, especially in this transition phase when he is vulnerable to negative influences.

If a child is not close to his parents, or does not receive enough affection, he will look for love and attention elsewhere. In this phase, his psychological condition is very unstable, so a child may seek affection in the wrong place if you do not repair your relationship with him.

From the time my eldest child was still in high school until now in college, we have been very close. He can come to me at ten or eleven at night, asking for time to talk. Even though I am already sleepy and tired after a whole day of working and serving in ministry, I still make time for him until late at night or the early morning.

Say you work seven hours every day, six days a week. Does setting aside just one hour a week with your child feel too heavy for you? Which is more important: work or your child?

If you love your child, you do not only meet his daily living needs, but also his emotional needs. Your close relationship with your child will become a strong anchor for him in this uncertain and sensitive transition period.

3. Give Clear Rules and Boundaries

In this period, children tend to want freedom, reject being restrained, and want to decide for themselves what they want in life. They feel they already know everything, and sometimes even feel more experienced than their parents.

However, do not give your child unlimited freedom. You must make rules and boundaries for him, whether your child likes it or not.

For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life. – Proverbs 6:23

Your rules and boundaries are like a lamp and the way of life for your teenager's stormy years. Your order and discipline will help your child understand that he cannot act as he pleases. He still must obey the rules given by parents as the authority. In that way, your child will learn to be responsible for his actions and decisions, while also honoring and respecting his parents.

It is better to say it at the beginning than to get angry later. Explain your rules and boundaries. Then make an agreement or deal for that matter.

The three crucial steps above need to be applied to build a close relationship with your child. Not difficult, right? Even though right now your child may not be able to see the positive side, believe this: when grown up, he will realize that what you did helped him get through that difficult transition period.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, stand firm, do not be shaken, and always abound in the work of the Lord! For you know that in fellowship with the Lord your labor is not in vain. – 1 Corinthians 15:58

Give it a try! - Church GKDI currently is in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved in them, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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