Struggling to Control Your Emotions? Here Are 3 Ways to Manage Them

Whether you realize it or not, managing emotions is important. Especially when you are facing difficulties. Imagine, if emotions are easily stirred up in you, what would become of your life? Easily angry, sad, jealous, or doing something without thinking it through. This is where the ability to control emotions becomes important.

It may be that managing emotions is something new for you. For that reason, in this article we will learn 3 simple ways to control those emotions . But before that, why is managing emotions something important?

Emotions Determine Our Actions

Many people do not realize that emotions determine the decisions they make. Don’t believe it? Let’s take one emotion, namely anger. 

People who get angry easily will also easily say or do things that hurt others. They also find it hard to listen to others, and always insist that what they think must be right. The result? Their relationships with the people around them will certainly grow distant. No one dares get close to them, because they are afraid of being yelled at.

Another example: there are couples who marry not because they have seen each other’s character, but because of emotional impulse. They feel compatible and like each other. Only later, as they live out marriage, all their spouse’s flaws are exposed. Arguments follow, and then the household feels like a disaster.

So do we need to switch off emotions? No. Emotions are good. What is wrong is when emotions are uncontrolled, even becoming the guide of our lives. Isn’t that dangerous?

The good news is, emotions can be managed (manage). First, it needs to be understood that human emotions are a complex thing. They are connected to the past, memory, experience, how the brain works, and many other things. Therefore, this article will not discuss emotional management in depth.

But there is no need to worry. These three practical things can help you manage emotions better. 

3 Ways to Manage Emotions

1. Recognize Your Emotions

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts;

see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way! - Psalm 139:23-24

The Bible tells us to examine and search ourselves. Examine yourself. So, before we begin managing emotions, we need to know what kind of emotions we have. 

Here is an emotional energy matrix. You can see what feelings are in each category. Is that what you are feeling right now? After that, you can determine where you are right now.

Survival zone: high energy, but negative

Burnout zone: low and negative energy

Performance zone: high and positive energy

Recovery zone: positive but low energy

What we want is to be in the performance zone, where we have strong, positive energy. In this area we will feel happy and also have the strength to do something. If you are still in the survival and burnout zone, you need to do something so that your position moves to recovery, and then to the performance zone. That way, you have the enthusiasm and energy to do many things. 

Ask yourself: 

Do I feel that I have high or low energy? Why?

Do I have positive or negative energy? Why?

After you know your emotions , what comes next?

2. Accept Your Emotions

The next stage in managing emotions is accepting your emotions .

Many people, after recognizing their emotions, reject those feelings. For example, they feel sad, but they pretend it is not there. They deny or ignore those emotions .

This is dangerous. One day their emotions will explode, when they cry or lash out without control. This is because the person has been suppressing (repress) their emotions for a long time. Until one day, those emotions can no longer be held back and all come out.

On the other hand, let us look at Jesus’ example when facing emotions.

Learning Emotional Management from Jesus

Then He said to them: "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me." - Matthew 26:38

That verse describes the event in the Garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus was about to be arrested and crucified. Jesus did not reject or ignore His feelings; He acknowledged that He was deeply sorrowful and very afraid. 

Even Jesus Himself accepted His feelings. He did not say, “Come on, I am God. How could God look afraid? If so, that would be weak.” No. He admitted that He was deeply sorrowful.

If you feel sad, disappointed, rejected, afraid, or whatever it may be, deal with it. Accept that feeling. Maybe you need to take a moment to calm yourself down. If you want to cry, then cry. 

Of course, you also need a friend to share with. At that time, Jesus even brought His three disciples to accompany Him in prayer. He shared His feelings with them. So there is no need to be shy or too proud. Find a good friend you can trust. And pour out what you feel. 

3. Control Your Emotions (Manage Your Emotion)

But for how long should we accept emotions? May I cry for 3 full months on the grounds of heartbreak? May I vent my emotions by getting angry every day? What are the limits? This is the next stage of managing emotions. 

We need to be able to distinguish whether we are controlling emotions, or whether emotions are controlling us. And the good news is, controlling emotions can be done.

You can choose how you feel. You can’t control other people, but you can control how you react to them. - Anon.

Jesus is a figure who had very good emotional management . Still in the event at the Garden of Gethsemane, did Jesus keep crying endlessly? No.

In Matthew 26:45-46 it is written, “Then He came to His disciples and said to them, ‘Sleep now and take your rest. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.’"

After Jesus expressed His feelings to the Father in prayer three times, Jesus rose and was ready to carry out His mission. He was not moody, did not continue grieving or feeling afraid. Instead, He did His part courageously. 

Practical Tips for Managing Emotions

From this story we know that prayer is one way to express and control emotions. By asking God for strength, we are ready to face the life before us. 

Besides prayer, having a daily quiet time is also very good. Reading, reflecting on, and doing God’s word is one of the best ways to manage emotions. If we read the Bible every day, that word will enter our subconscious and create emotions that are healthy and positive. 

In addition to prayer and quiet time, here are some ways of managing emotions that you can try:

• Exercise. Exercise helps release dopamine hormones, which can make us feel better. Besides that, in a healthy body there is a strong spirit. Agree?
• Give thanks. This can create positive feelings and emotions that are healthy
• Do good to others, so that we are not focused only on our own problems. 
• Take a walk in nature. Being in nature really helps calm our emotions . 
• And so on.

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Whether emotions build up or destroy depends on us. Therefore, the ability to manage emotions is very important for us to have. May the three things above, namely recognizing, accepting, and controlling emotions help us have emotions that are more positive and healthy. Give it a try!

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