3 Traits of an Uplifting Friendship: Fun and Enjoyable!

You may have heard a line from a Sindentosca song about building healthy friendship: “Friendship is like a cocoon, turning a caterpillar into a butterfly.” In other words, we need friends who can help us become better people day by day.

For that reason, we need to be wise in choosing friends, because if we are not careful, we can trust the wrong people or fall into harmful things. A friend is someone God places beside us to help us live life. Friendship is His gift, and it is impossible for God to give you something that will destroy you. 

For those of you who long for quality friendship, here are three main criteria of uplifting friends:

Criteria of Uplifting Friends

1. Sharpening One Another

I used to think a friend had to be someone fun and easy to hang out with. Someone with the same sense of humor and willing to gossip. It turns out the criteria I had for a friend were very vague. The Book of Proverbs states this clearly: 

Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

To sharpen means to rub one material against another so it becomes sharper. For example, you sharpen a knife with a whetstone. In the sharpening process, you are actually “removing” the dull parts, and this usually creates heat between the material being sharpened and the sharpening material.

An uplifting friendship is a friendship that sharpens you mentally and spiritually. A good friend will not let you become dull or “cold,” but will instead help you grow through the sharp principles of truth. At times there will be conflict or “heat” because of differences of opinion. But notice this: if your friend puts the truth of God’s word first, he is an uplifting friend. 

What does a sharpening friend look like? Surely, a friend who always wants you to press through your weaknesses and become more right before God. So be friends with people who help you become more like God’s character. 

2. Faithful in Every Season

An uplifting friend will not leave you in times of joy or sorrow. Proverbs again records friendship that builds in every season:

A friend loves at all times, and becomes a brother in adversity. – Proverbs 17:17

The word of God describes a friend as someone who always loves us in joy and sorrow. Like family, such a person will not leave us when life’s hardships come. 

A story of friendship through every season is seen in the story of David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 19-20). No matter that he had to confront his father, King Saul, Jonathan repeatedly helped David escape Saul’s pursuit. After Jonathan died, David sustained the life of his son, Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 9). They did not abandon each other, even though physically they were no longer together.

An uplifting friend will be faithful in whatever season. In joy or sorrow, such a person walks with you. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of life, and having a faithful friend is a happiness of its own. 

At first I thought it was impossible that anyone would want to stay by my side in hardship. Yet I am grateful to have found friends in a spiritual community. Here, I am also learning how to be a friend, to become a brother in another person’s hardship, so that we can build one another up. 

Have you found a spiritual community that builds you up? If not, I want to encourage you to be in a spiritual community, because this is important for you.

3. Accepting with Love

Every person has a need to be accepted as they are, just as they were created. In fact, some people only want to accept their friends when they are in top condition, cheerful, doing fine, or able to benefit them. This kind of friendship will not last long because one party is busy meeting their own needs.

Therefore welcome one another, just as Christ has also welcomed us, for the glory of God. – Romans 15:7

To have an uplifting friendship, we need deep love, a love that enables us to accept one another as we are. A good friend knows your weaknesses, tries to accept them, and helps you in love. Such a person also knows your strengths and helps you use them for God’s glory. 

An uplifting friend does not leave us when our weaknesses trouble them, but tries to accept us and help us deal with those weaknesses. I am grateful to have friends in a spiritual community who accept me wholly and love me in the Lord. 

Ecclesiastes 2 says, “Two are better than one.” May you be able to find and build a healthy friendship and a constructive one in the Lord, who wants us to love one another. Amen!

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