Respecting Your Husband Regardless of Circumstances, Is It Possible?

Respect your husband, that is the main advice a pastor gives to a bride who  stands at the altar to receive a wedding blessing. As she confidently agrees with that message, the bride smiles happily at the man she loves. Then, seriously, she listens to tips for married life in the sermon, hoping all of it can become her provision for the days ahead.

However, as time goes by, it turns out that respecting a husband is not as easy as saying it. A boyfriend or fiance who is admirable does not always turn into a pleasant husband. That dream partner does not match reality. A husband's weaknesses and shortcomings often cause a wife's respect to fade.

Are you finding it hard to respect your husband? How can you show respect to your husband, whatever his condition? 

Respecting Your Husband: Not Because of the Person

While dating, of course there were good things you saw in your future husband, so you were willing to marry him. Then, that assessment changed after marriage. Many hidden things are only discovered after living together.

Sadly, marriage is not like changing clothes, which we can do when something does not feel right. Marriage is a lifelong promise with your spouse, whatever the circumstances. Instead of “replacing” your spouse, what we must do is repair the marriage itself. And God has already given a sure formula so that married life can go well. 

In any case, each one of you must love his wife as himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:33

Ideally, this formula will work when both parties put it into practice: The husband must love his wife, and the wife respect her husband. But married life is not always ideal. Many husbands complain because they feel they are not respected, and on the other hand, many wives feel they are not loved. 

If each side demands its “right” to be respected or loved, then who will act first? If this condition is left alone, both only need to wait for time to tell when the ship of their household sinks on its own.

Wives, remember that God does not command you to respect only good husbands. This respect is given to all husbands, without exception. 

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In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that if any of them do not obey the Word, they may also be won without words by the conduct of their wives. – 1 Peter 3:1

This verse states that a wife must still respect a husband who does not obey God's word. So, whether married to a Christian or not, a Christian wife must respect her husband. 

However, if there is abusive behavior, whether in words or actions, such as domestic violence, you can talk with your spiritual community or spiritual mentor You can talk to your spiritual community or spiritual mentor. If you do not yet have a community, we have a Married Ministry community that you can join. Or, you can contact us through the WhatsApp number listed below the article for personal consultation.

Indeed, respecting a loving husband sounds easier. However, God wants us to love and forgive one another. With love and forgiveness, it will be easier for us to respect our husbands whatever their condition.

Bear with one another and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against another, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also do. – Colossians 3:13

Respecting Your Husband because of God

I love God and want to please His heart. And one of the things that pleases Him is when I respect my husband. God is a good Father, and my husband and I, whatever our condition, are His children. 

After knowing this, does it still feel hard for you to do it?

“But, my husband is indifferent and often does not care about my feelings. He is also slow, careless, and not able to lead well. How could I possibly respect someone like that?” 

Perhaps complaints like this are often heard among wives. Instead of helping and supporting her husband, a wife actually finds it harder and harder to respect him. Not rarely, this situation tempts a wife to take over her husband's leadership in the family.

When this happens, the household will become even more ruined. Because from the beginning God designed that the husband is the leader and the wife is the helper, not the other way around.   

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

A wife is a suitable helper for her husband. Very often, God entrusts strength within a wife to overcome her husband's weaknesses. Try paying attention to your friends or relatives with their respective spouses. You will be amazed to see how they generally have characters that are different from their spouses. God designed husbands and wives to complement one another's weaknesses and strengths.

“I have tried to be a good wife and respect my husband, but he still has not changed. How long must I be patient?” That is the next question.

If you respect your husband only so that he will change according to your wishes, usually you will be disappointed. Doing good for the sake of getting a good result is natural. However, if that becomes your only reason, be prepared to be disappointed. If you do not want to be disappointed, remember that in this situation, you are not dealing with man. You are not doing it for your husband, but for God.

Whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly, as for the Lord and not for men. – Colossians 3:23

God Has Power to Transform

That is right, God has power to transform, but we also need to do our part. When we find our husband's weaknesses, we need to pray persistently about them to God. Pray that your husband will grow in his weaknesses and also that you, as his wife, will grow in loving and respecting your husband.

Do your part with joy and let God also do His part. Slowly, you will be amazed to see the way God works. A husband who is indifferent and uncaring, according to the label you once put on him, now begins to show his care for you. He is moved to do so when he sees your great acceptance of him and the change in your attitude.

It may be that your husband is still slow and careless, once again just like the label you put on him, but surprisingly, you no longer feel annoyed. Why? Because God changes your impatience through your husband's weakness. God does not always change the husband, and when this happens, perhaps God wants you to change.

There are many writings that teach ways to respect a husband. However, all of them should be grounded in the right mindset, namely why a wife must respect her husband. When you respect your husband not because of his condition, but because of your love for God, then respecting your husband, whatever his condition, becomes possible. May God bless your marriage. Amen!

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