Leave the Habit of Anger Before It's Too Late

Perhaps the person you love most in the world is a parent, spouse, child, sibling, or close friend. Then who is the person who will (in theory) be with you the longest?

The answer is your life partner.

Parents will pass away, children will get married, siblings and friends will live their own lives. On the other hand, your spouse will spend life with you, in joy and sorrow. Just like you, he or she leaves the comfort of single life to marry and grow old together.

If so, have you loved and treated your spouse well? Or have you instead given him or her a life like a nightmare because of your explosive temper?

Till Death Do Us Part

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate." – Matthew 19:6

Divorce is not only common in modern society, but also among Christians. One of the many reasons for divorce is being unable to endure a temperamental spouse.

Yet some people keep their marriages intact even while suffering because of their spouse's bad attitude. Some think divorce is a disgrace. Others want to protect their good name, for the sake of the children, for financial reasons, and so on. In fact, their hearts have long been divorced. The slogan till death do us part is eventually interpreted with another meaning: one life, one death, in other words, emotionally numb.

After marriage, husband and wife become one flesh (Mark 10:7-8). And, “for no one ever hated his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5:29).” So, when we hurt our spouse's heart, we are actually hurting ourselves too, aren't we?

Surely you do not want to be “divorced at heart” from your spouse because of an angry temperament. For that reason, let us go deeper into what God's Word says about this bad habit.

Anger Is Harmful

The first thing lost when we get angry is joy. Anger makes our feelings turn sour, disrupts concentration, and drains energy. In fact, if it becomes a habit, anger can have harmful effects on health. Frequently getting angry can trigger headaches, trouble sleeping, anxiety, high blood pressure, and increase the risk of a heart attack.

So it is true what the Bible says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22).”

The habit of anger makes people uncomfortable interacting with us. Just a slight mistake can trigger an argument. Friends grow distant, subordinates become afraid, and even superiors may hesitate to advance our career. Children and spouses are not relaxed when they are near us. They are afraid to share ideas or ask for something. Their communication goes no further than the bare realities of life, not sharing feelings, hopes, or dreams with you.

“An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.” – Proverbs 29:22

By keeping the habit of outbursts of anger, you lose not only joy, health, or career opportunities, but also the person closest to you, namely your spouse. Physically, he or she may still be with you, but in truth you have already lost that person, because his or her heart is growing more distant, even empty.

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, lest you learn his ways and ensnare yourself.” – Proverbs 22:24-25

Overcoming the Habit of Anger

The past cannot be changed, but we always have a choice in the present. We can choose to continue or break the chain of bad character. If we were raised by angry parents, and know what it feels like to live in fear every day, we certainly do not want to continue that negative pattern in our own family, do we?

(Please note that the excessive anger discussed in this article refers to emotional factors that develop into a bad habit, not to medical conditions or medication effects, which of course require different treatment.)

Before everything is too late, change starting today. When anger comes, remember these three things:

1. Anger does not make us more powerful

When something does not go as expected, do not be quick to lose your temper. Calm yourself for a moment. Take a deep breath. Count from one to ten silently. Accept that imperfect situation as training from God to shape us into better people.

Do not be proud if you can pour out your anger on your spouse. You do not become greater or more powerful than him or her. You may feel satisfied in the moment, but regret will come later. Instead of “leveling us up,” your spouse's hurt will only pile up, and may even turn into bitterness later on.

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person eventually quiets it.” – Proverbs 29:11

2. We are not perfect

Both you and your spouse are ordinary human beings who have shortcomings. So do not expect your spouse always to act rightly. At times, he or she can also be mistaken, misunderstand, forget, be careless, or show other weaknesses.

Therefore, try to relax a little when your spouse makes a mistake. Once in a while, it is also good to laugh at “foolishness,” and of course, not with the intention of mocking. Laughter can improve your mood and even have a positive effect on your body.

Instead, build small habits to cool your anger. For example, go into your room and ask to be left alone for a moment. Once you are calm, come out and talk kindly with your spouse. Or channel your emotions through activities such as exercise, knitting, karaoke in the car, drinking water, eating ice cream, taking a short walk, praying, anything that can cool your heart and distance you from the problem for a while.

“Refrain from anger and turn away from wrath; do not be angry, it only leads to evil.” – Psalm 37:8

3. Be angry only when necessary

You may be angry about something that violates principle or involves sin, for example if your spouse lies or uses foul language.

However, try to compromise on small matters. For example, if the house is not tidy enough or your spouse's appearance is less appealing. Instead of getting angry, help your spouse tidy up the house, or at least put your own personal belongings in order. Go shopping for clothes or even get a haircut together. Besides being more enjoyable, you will also focus less on your spouse's faults and gain quality time together.

Your spouse is your teammate in building a family and a future. Treat him or her as well as possible. And most importantly, treat yourself well too, by not letting anger colonize your soul. If you find it difficult to overcome this habit, consider asking for counsel or help from a spiritual mentor or brothers and sisters you trust.

May God bless your efforts to conquer anger. Amen!

* Church GKDI is currently present in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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