Devotionals

I’m Afraid of Disappointing People: Learning to Say No with Faith

By novia collis · March 18, 2019 · 5 min read

I have a story about being afraid of disappointing people.

When our family moved across the country so my husband could serve in ministry, I also got involved in a number of commitments and opportunities. As a new pastor’s wife, I felt responsible to attend a number of Bible studies, meetings, and social gatherings. I assumed that was what other people expected of me. That I had to say “yes.”

But in my eagerness to fit in, make new friends, and carry out the unwritten role of a pastor’s wife, I made a mistake: I made many decisions based on fear rather than faith.

I worried that if I did not agree to everything, I would lose friends, disappoint the congregation, and fail to meet other people’s expectations. So, I joined Bible study, attended dinner parties, and helped in childcare.

The fear of being left behind drove me to say yes to too many commitments. I became irritable and anxious. Even though everything I said yes to was good, I quickly learned that not all of it was good for me right now. My husband and children also felt the consequences of my stress. I felt tense all the time. Why?

Because I was afraid to say no.

When We Let the Fear of Disappointing Take Control

Whenever fear drives our choices, recognize it as a red alert that we are not walking in step with the Holy Spirit.

In John 14, Jesus spoke these meaningful words to His disciples: “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you, and what I give is not like what the world gives to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid” (Yohanes 14:27).

When Jesus said this, He knew that later His disciples would face some of the hardest choices of their lives. The cross lay ahead, and they would have to choose between identifying with Him when He was accused and killed, or with the religious leaders and the crowd.

We know how this story continues. Every disciple left Jesus. They gave in to their fear of the Pharisees and the mob, and when Jesus was arrested, they ran away. Peter denied Jesus, even swearing that he did not know Him.

Why Do We Give In?

Why did the disciples, who knew Jesus deeply, run at the first signs of real persecution?

Because they were afraid. And fear makes us choose things that are neither godly nor good. When we are afraid, we act out of defensive instinct and self-protection instead of wholeheartedly trusting God and rejoicing in Him. We focus on pleasing people rather than pleasing our God (Yohanes 12:43).

And, the apostle Paul warns, “Am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatia 1:10).

Jesus gave this word of peace because He knew His disciples would be afraid, afraid of what others would think or do when their Teacher was dragged to trial, tortured, and crucified. Yet Christ also knew that what He offered them, His peace, was stronger than fear. He asked them to trust in Him, not in the fragile and empty desires of the religious leaders and the crowds.

How to Let Go of the Fear of Disappointing People

Jesus asked His disciples to do hard things, and He asks the same of us now. How can our hearts be freed from the fear that compels us to agree to things that are not good or godly, whether now or ever? How do we break free from the habit of people-pleasing?

1. Wash Your Mind in God’s Word

Jesus’ message about what it means to love and follow Him is clear: "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word, and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. Whoever does not love Me does not keep My words. And the word that you hear is not Mine, but the Father’s who sent Me” (Yohanes 14:23-24)

We need to know His words in order to understand what obedience means, so that we may obey His word. We must begin by soaking in the contents of Scripture, so that we are able to discern and approve what is good and pleasing to God, not to ourselves or others.

2. Focus on Eternal Reward

Although doing, saying, or taking part in things that please others may seem beneficial for a while, in reality, no one has power over our life or our future. They cannot save, satisfy, or give us eternal life. Only Christ can do that, and He promises to give that grace when we follow and obey Him (Matius 25:23, Wahyu 2:7).

3. Ask for Help to Say No

If necessary, ask other believers for help when you must make the difficult and holy decision to say “no.”

It is indeed hard to refuse when we know it will disappoint others, especially if they are asking us to do something good. Yet we cannot say “yes” to everything, all the time. And we must not act out of fear of upsetting others instead of seeking to please Christ.

Invite your spouse, friends, and spiritual mentors to help you respond to opportunities and requests with wisdom and prayer, not with fear of disappointing others.

What Is Not Our Portion

Peace and fear cannot dwell in the same heart at the same time. Instead of the fear of disappointing people, Jesus has given Himself to us. And when we seek Christ and His kingdom through the Word, through an eternal perspective and together with the saints, we can say “yes” to God’s calling, not to what is not our portion.

Even if we may disappoint others for a while, we can move forward with confidence, knowing that we are pleasing the Creator and Redeemer of our souls. He will give us His peace, along with the promise of eternal life and joy in God, if we obey His commands.

*Church GKDI is currently in 35 cities. We have Bible study activities in every area; if you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official