How Should We Respond to a Child Who Likes to Lie?

I still vividly remember an incident from my childhood that involved lying.

One day, my mother told me to watch my one-year-old youngest sibling. So I took the child to play with my friends. While we were having fun, a friend told me that my sibling had fallen from a swing and was hurt. I panicked. Especially since the wound was on the forehead, it was impossible to hide. I will definitely get my ear tweaked and be scolded by Mom, I thought to myself.

When Mom came home, I said that my sibling fell while I was helping with walking practice. Mom believed it. I was relieved. But just my luck, suddenly one of my playmates blurted out that my sibling had fallen from the swing while I was playing. As a result, not only did I get my ear tweaked, I was also scolded by Mom for making up a lie.

Has this situation ever happened with your child? What should parents do when a child starts getting used to lying?

Children Learn from Their Parents

Basically, no parent likes seeing their child become a liar. Yet at the same time, parents often unknowingly “teach” their children to lie. Sometimes parents treat the small lies they tell as trivial, feeling they are not a problem, on the grounds that they are for the child’s good.

First example: a mother feeding a child who is hard to get to eat says, “This is the last one, dear. Come on, open your mouth ...” Then, after the child is willing to eat, instead of stopping, she offers another spoonful. “Now this really is the very last one ...” she says with a smile. She feels proud because, through her lie, the child managed to eat more than usual.

Second example: a father is about to leave for the office, but he is afraid his child will cry because of feeling left behind. So he says that he is going to the shop to buy a snack. The child may not cry, but the experience of being lied to will be neatly stored in that child’s memory.

Parents, be careful—children who are often lied to by their parents are likely to become liars.

“If it is yes, let your answer be yes; if it is no, let your answer be no. Anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37

According to the Bible, there is no such thing as a white lie or a lie for someone’s good. If there is a risk that must be faced because of speaking and acting honestly, then face it. Parents must apply this from an early age to their children by means of.

Tips for Overcoming a Child’s Habit of Lying

At times, being an example or giving advice and consequences is still not effective enough in teaching children to stay away from lies. Parents need to create conditions that support children in being honest. A child must feel safe telling anything to his or her parents, including mistakes he or she has made. This is possible if the child is first convinced that he or she isloved.

Like the example above, I was forced to lie because I was afraid. “I will surely be punished, scolded, and humiliated in front of my siblings or friends.”

And that is also what crosses our children’s minds. There is no sense of safety. A child feels “threatened” and is therefore forced to seek protection in his or her own way.

To deal with a child who likes to lie, try applying these tips:

1. Be Open

Do not only ever talk about your good side, or keep up appearances (maintain your image). Also tell about mistakes you have made and how you struggled to make them right. By courageously speaking honestly in front of your child, your child will gain the picture that parents can make mistakes too—and that is normal.

This not only encourages your child to be honest, your openness also brings your relationship closer, because the child feels accepted and finds the right place of refuge.

If you only talk about your achievements, your child may actually become stressed when making mistakes. The child feels like a failure and terribly bad. To cover it up, the child will lie. Do not expect, much less force, your child to be honest if you yourself are not open with him or her.

“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” – Matthew 7:12a

2. Be a Good Listener

When your child is opening up, give attention and create the sense that what he or she is expressing matters to you. Listen to your child’s feelings. Find out in what situations your child is usually tempted to lie and how to overcome that temptation. Ask what you can do to help, and be ready to meet your child’s expectations.

3. Show Empathy

How do you usually respond when you hear your child’s confession?

If you are reactive, then genuine access to communication with your child will be closed off. Your child will become reluctant to be honest with you, and may even choose to lie if someday he or she makes another mistake.

Learn to empathize. Even if you do not agree with what your child has done, show that you still love him or her. You want to help so that the same mistake will not be repeated in the future.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep!” – Romans 12:15

4. Open the Word

Besides receiving the support of love from parents, children also need to receive a clear biblical understanding about lying. This does not mean you are frightening them, but children need to know that God is serious in dealing with sin. People who love to lie are children of the devil (John 8:44), and liars will enter hell (Revelation 21:8).

However, do not call your child “a liar,” because that label will stick and destroy the child’s self-worth. The child will instead keep lying because he or she assumes that being a liar is simply who they are.

5. Celebrate Victories

Make it a habit not only to highlight your child’s failures, but also to give appreciation when your child succeeds in overcoming the temptation to lie.

You can create a sweet moment, for example by treating your child to a meal or a favorite movie. Besides being enjoyable, this will also further encourage your child to pursue more victories of faith. Over time, your child will act honestly not because of being rewarded with a celebration, but because it has become a conviction.

It is not only top students who deserve to be celebrated; a child who wins over the temptation to lie also needs to be celebrated. Does that sound strange? Maybe because not many people have done it yet. Start with your child.

*Church GKDI is currently present in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official:
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