Honesty: The Bitter Thing That Bears Sweet Fruit

Honesty does not always please the heart and the ears. For example, one morning our child sulked and refused to have breakfast with us. Rather than waste time scolding, my husband and I decided to eat first while waiting for our child to calm down. In the middle of that uncomfortable atmosphere, my husband suddenly remarked, “Why does this curry have no taste?”

I was shocked to hear it. I felt like shouting back at my husband’s comment right then and there. Just imagine, I had already gotten up early, cooked, washed, cleaned up, and struggled not to be late for work, and instead of thanking me, he criticized my cooking. When I tasted the curry, I had to admit it was a bit bland. Still, my husband’s honesty had already made my heart burn.

3 Ways to Deal with the Bitterness of Honesty

When honesty from others feels painful, we will be driven to become defensive and angry. Here are three ways we can respond well to other people’s honesty:

1. Avoid being reactive

After my emotions settled, we talked. My husband was not wrong; the dish really did need more salt. Even so, I defended myself, “You shouldn’t have said it had no taste. Just say it needed more salt. It sounds better that way, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, Ma,” my husband answered with a smile. “But if it needs more salt, that means it tastes bland, right?”

We do not like being lied to, but at the same time, we are not ready to hear the truth. We react, object, and defend ourselves to push back against statements that do not match our expectations. In fact, my response to my husband’s comment should have been simple: just add salt to the curry.

When a child comes home late because they went to the mall with friends, the parents get angry and hit the child without hearing the explanation first. We are quicker to punish our children than to appreciate their honesty. As a result, next time the child will make excuses and say they were late because of a group assignment. The child chooses to lie because they see that their parents are actually more ready to be lied to.

Therefore, stay calm and do not be reactive when you hear honesty from others. Besides affecting your attitude and the situation that follows, calmness also has a positive impact on your interactions with others.

2. Honesty is not easy, so appreciate it

Have you ever considered that someone may have gone through an inner struggle before speaking honestly to us? Perhaps that person looked for various ways to express it as well as possible without offending us. They dared to take a risk, overcoming fear and reluctance for our good.

Our response to correction will determine the outcome we receive, whether growth or spiritual death instead. When a mentor or spiritual friend brings correction about an attitude or bad habit in us that needs to change, how do we respond?

The wounds of a friend are given in faithfulness, but the kisses of an enemy are many. – Proverbs 27:6

Proverbs says it is better to have a friend who dares to speak honestly and rebuke us openly than one who stays silent about our faults. Or a friend who smiles in front of us but speaks badly about us behind our back. This is because choosing silence or being two-faced is often easier than ‘wounding in faithfulness.’

Because people tend to lie so they will not be scolded or hated, it is very important to show appreciation to those who are honest. Say thank you and appreciate their honesty. You are fortunate to have a friend who is not only honest in friendship, but also cares about you.

3. There is a lesson in honesty, so take it

“Oh, lying for someone’s good is perfectly fine. We must not let others be offended by our honesty.” We often hear this expression in everyday conversation. But the Bible says there is no such thing as a white lie or a lie told for someone’s good.

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” – Matthew 5:37

In other words, lies and falsehood come from the devil, and indeed the devil is the father of all lies (John 8:44).

When the Sunday school teacher says that our child is not very obedient in class, how do we react? Do we accept it and then discuss it with a teachable attitude, or do we get angry with the teacher instead?

“My child obeys at home and at school, you know.” That may be our defensive response. “If my child does not obey in KKK (Children’s Kingdom), then there must be something wrong with KKK itself.”

In fact, by being humble and talking further with the teacher involved, we can gain a new perspective on parenting. Perhaps there is something wrong with the parenting pattern we consider best, and we have an opportunity to correct it.

When a wife asks how her cooking tastes, many husbands automatically answer that it is delicious, even though inwardly they are grumbling the opposite. The husband chooses to lie to please his wife and prevent conflict. As a result, the wife cannot improve her cooking technique, and the husband also does not learn to speak honestly. If only the husband were willing to be honest with his comments, tomorrow and from then on his wife’s cooking would surely taste even better.

Even though it may cause a little upheaval, honesty will teach you something. Honesty may hurt, but there is a lesson to be learned from it.

So, when honesty from others hurts your heart, remember these three things: Avoid being reactive, give thanks to those who are honest with you, and have a humble attitude so you can keep learning. Though it may be bitter at first, the honesty spoken by others will grow sweet fruit in our lives. Amen.

* Church GKDI is currently present in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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