Healthy Marriage: Dare to Say “No” to These 4 Things

Saying “no” to your spouse can sometimes be difficult. In the name of love, people generally try to please their partner. But is love really why you hesitate to say “no”? Or do you actually have other reasons, such as low self-esteem, feeling intimidated, and avoiding conflict?

“No” Does Not Always Carry a Negative Connotation

A commitment to making your spouse happy does not mean you must always say yes to every opinion, request, or action. Refusing certain things can actually bring good to a healthy marriage relationship.

In the Bible, God says “no” to those He loves because He has a greater plan for them.

God forbade Adam and Eve to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge (Genesis 2:16-17). David fasted and prayed for his son to be healed, but the child still died (2 Samuel 12:16). Jesus wrestled in prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:39), but He still had to drink His cup of suffering. To redeem human sin, Jesus had to give His life on the cross.

You must be brave enough to say NO to your spouse in the following matters:

1. “No” to Compromise

But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. – Galatians 2:11

In resolving household matters, husband and wife do need to discuss things and respect each other’s opinions. However, when it comes to choices that lead to sin or are clearly sinful, you must say NO to your spouse.

Make it clear to your spouse that you refuse because you care about God’s word as the foundation of your marriage. You love them and do not want the two of you to compromise with sin.

2. “No” to Materialism

“Do not store up treasures for yourselves on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matthew 6:19-21

Buying things for personal enjoyment is not a problem. However, it becomes a problem if it is done continuously, excessively, and without proper calculation. Moreover, with modern payment systems making transactions so easy, you can pay in installments or settle the purchase later. Wasteful habits can create problems in family finances.

One way to maintain healthy cash flow is to manage spending wisely. Say NO to buying items outside the budget. This will keep you from piling up debt and facing financial difficulties later on.

3. “No” to Comparing

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. They measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves. How foolish they are! – 2 Corinthians 10:12

Focusing on the differences between your spouse and someone who “seems better” than them can trigger complaints toward your spouse. Sometimes we forget that each person lives a different life because of differing situations and character. As a result, we force our picture of an ideal partner onto our husband or wife.

It is very important not to compare your spouse with other people. When the urge to complain comes, make sure you remember the blessings God has given you through your spouse. Gratitude will enable you to see your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses more objectively.

4. “No” to Harsh Words

Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up, as fits the need, so that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29

When annoyed or angry, our tone of voice tends to rise. Annoyance can also push us to say words that insult or belittle our spouse, and worst of all, to throw out the words “I want a divorce.” This will certainly wound your spouse’s heart.

Avoid cursing at or speaking harshly to your spouse. Besides distancing your family from the grace of God, improper words will not solve the problem, but will instead make the situation worse.

How to Say “No” Properly

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

Speaking the truth can be painful, but a gentle, respectful, and loving way of expressing it will help your spouse receive it well. Express your refusal in the following ways:

1. Speak with a Natural Tone

Express your refusal calmly. Use a tone that is pleasant to hear so your spouse can more easily understand what you mean.

2. Begin and End Positively

Wrap your sentence with a positive statement at the beginning and end of what you say. Choose words that build up and carry good intentions.

Examples to begin with:

“That’s a good idea.”

“I like your idea because it will increase our income, but not in this way.”

Examples to end with:

“I feel appreciated because you asked for my opinion.”

“I am sure the result will be wonderful if we are more productive and continue to prioritize our family finances.”

3. Do Not Answer Immediately

Speaking carelessly often becomes a source of problems in a relationship. Think before you speak. This is not a matter of winning or losing or who has more power. If necessary, ask for a pause to calm your emotions and clear your mind before giving a response.

Example:

“It would be better not to, but let me first calculate the expenses that need to be set aside this month.”

“Give me time to think, okay.”

4. Offer Another Option

Refusal does not mean you are closing every door to agreement. You can offer another choice or solution to your spouse.

Example: “Honey, forgive me. We can’t go on vacation to that place yet because the cost is beyond our budget. How about going to this place instead? It also has the facilities/ tourist attractions you want.”

If you are afraid to say “no” because of low self-esteem, feeling intimidated, or wanting to avoid conflict, ask for help from people or a spiritual community you trust. You can also contact us through the contact information below this article.

You say “no” to your spouse only in certain matters because you love them and want to build a healthy marriage. Have the courage not to compromise, not to be materialistic, not to compare, and not to speak harshly. Follow God’s leading to say it to your spouse in the right way.

Let what you say be simply yes, if yes, and no, if no. Anything more than this comes from the evil one. – Matthew 5:37 -