Stressed Because You're Still Single? Do These 4 Things!

Still single or not having a boyfriend or girlfriend yet, aka being jomlo, can become a problem in itself. As you get older, pressure from parents to quickly find a partner and get married can weigh on your mind, even cause stress.

Moments of meeting extended family at a relative's wedding reception, or holidays like Lunar New Year / Eid, finally become dreaded occasions. “Where's your boyfriend/girlfriend? When will you have one? When are you getting married?” are the classic questions you least want to hear. Simply because you also do not know the answer yourself. As a result, the peace in your heart is disturbed and you become pressured. 

Is this what you are experiencing right now? Relax, there is no need to panic, much less stress. There are many things you can do rather than giving up, feeling lonely, or worrying excessively. If you have never done or have not maximized the four things below, maybe this is the time to do them more seriously:

1. Stop Looking for the Right Person. Become the Right Person

Come on, try to be honest with yourself. In your opinion, what is the reason you are still single until now? Do you feel that no one has noticed you yet, or that you have not found the right person according to your standards? 

True, we need to be selective in choosing a life partner. Therefore, we usually have certain standards or criteria for a potential spouse. For example, fearing God, diligent, loving family, responsible, and so on. 

The question is, have we ourselves already become the right person? Often we are too busy judging others, but forget to look within ourselves. “Have I also become the right person for my future spouse? Do those same standards also exist in me?”

God does not want us to place heavy burdens on others while being unwilling to do the same ourselves, as the Pharisees did. It is written in Matthew 23:4, “They tie up heavy loads and place them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them.” Have we unknowingly become like that?

So, it is not wrong if we want to look for the right person, but have we also become the right person? 

Do your part by cultivating the character you want to find in your partner. That way, you will become a light, so it will not be difficult for others to notice or be attracted to you.

2. Make Friends with More People

Rather than stressing over being single, let us start counting. How broad are your connections or social network ? Are your friends always the same people, or do you have many friends and acquaintances? If your connections are very limited, it is no wonder you are still single until now. 

Many people want to have many friends, but are unwilling to befriend others. Many people want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, in other words not be single, but are lazy to socialize, lazy to get to know more people of the opposite sex. Then how can others “find” you?

Building connections does not mean we then become someone who craves attention or tries to charm everyone everywhere. Make friends because you sincerely want to know that person. Build friendships on the foundation of Christ, that is, because you want to love them. 

However, you also need to be selective in choosing the community or friends you want to get to know more closely. Choose a community that is good, right, and edifying. This is important, so that you do not get trapped in the wrong crowd, when your intention was only to expand your network. 

Do not befriend a quick-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, lest you learn their ways and set a trap for yourself. – Proverbs 22:24-25

If you are confused about where to find a community and friends who build you up, you can join our community. Please fill out the form below this article, or contact the WhatsApp number 0821-2285-8686. We have Christian communities in 35 cities in Indonesia according to your location. 

3. Build a Sense of Security in God (Be Secure in God)

If you are stressed because you are still single, try asking yourself, “Where do I place my sense of security? In God? Or in the status of ‘having a boyfriend/girlfriend’ and ‘being married?’ 

What do you think about yourself regarding this “single” status? Have you become less thankful? Have you started comparing yourself, “Ah, if only I were as beautiful, as handsome, as rich, as smart, or as fortunate as that person. Surely I would already have a boyfriend/girlfriend by now.” Have you begun blaming yourself and feeling insecure?

Your value is not determined by whether you already have a boyfriend/girlfriend / husband / wife. To God, you are precious, whether single or already in a relationship. Whether married or not married. This is clearly stated in Isaiah 43:4a, “Because you are precious in My sight and honored, and I love you.”

There is no need to stress because you are still single. Be secure in God, not in people!

4. Enjoy Your Life

Again, you need to be honest with yourself. Are you enjoying your single season? If not, maybe you will not be able to enjoy your marriage. Wait, why is that?

Every season has its own joys and sorrows. No season is better than another. Every season has its own joy, blessing, and challenge. Therefore, while you are still single, enjoy it. Later, when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and there is conflict and miscommunication, enjoy that too and keep growing. The same is true after getting married and having children; of course it will feel even more “crowded.” 

Enjoy every season in your life, because those things will never happen again. 

I once read a quote that said, “Sometimes, when we are climbing a mountain, we are too focused on reaching the summit, but forget to enjoy the scenery around us during the climb.”

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. – Proverbs 17:22  

Let us enjoy every season in our lives, including the single season, because one day, this season will no longer be something we can repeat. 

So, there is no need to stress because you are still single. There are still many things you can do. Be the right person, make friends with more people, have a sense of security in God, and enjoy your life. One day, when your single season ends, you can look back and see this season with a heart full of gratitude. Come on, live your single years with full joy! - Related Articles:

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