Free from Loneliness

Have you ever felt lonely? Or perhaps you are feeling lonely right now? I have experienced it too. A sense of emptiness and not knowing where to go once became a constant companion that stayed with me through my days. Like vegetables without salt, life felt so bland.

Loneliness can happen to anyone and is not always caused by living alone. Even in the middle of a noisy environment or an extremely busy schedule, a person can feel lonely. Research even shows that, of the total percentage of lonely people, 62% are those who are married.

So, loneliness can arise even though we have a spouse, family, friends, work, and countless activities. The source of loneliness is not the absence of other people, but from within ourselves. We may feel that others do not need us or pay attention to us. Or that others cannot understand and accept us as we are.

How do we overcome loneliness?

There are many factors that cause loneliness. Past trauma, selfishness, low self-confidence or insecurity, as well as other things that need to be explored psychologically.

Here, I will discuss two things you need to know about loneliness, as well as how to overcome it from a biblical perspective:

1. Loneliness = wrong focus

Jesus answered him: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Matt 22:37-39)"

Many Christians feel lonely, even though they faithfully go to church and are active in ministry. Being distracted or having the wrong focus traps us in spiritual activities or routines, yet makes us forget to build a relationship with God.

Jesus always focused on one thing, namely relationships. The greatest commandment is about building relationships, both vertically (loving God) and horizontally (loving others).

As Christians, we need to follow Jesus' focus. In His ministry, Jesus gave great importance to relationships. He loved interacting with the people He met. He took the initiative to start conversations, visited their homes, ate with them, resolved the problems at hand, and so on. For Him, everything was about relationships.

Love for God and for others are one inseparable whole. It is impossible for us to love God while hating our brothers / sisters. So, the first step to being free from loneliness is to examine the focus of our relationships. Is our focus directed first to God, and then to others?

If not, try to correct the focus of your relationships. Keeping yourself busy or making more friends will not erase loneliness if you do not deal with the root of the problem.

2. Be More Open

After our focus is right, the second step is learning to be open. Openness is an important part of a relationship.

Try asking yourself: Am I more comfortable being friends with someone who is open and genuine, or with someone who is closed off and withdrawn? If you like the first type and want to have friends like that, you need to learn to become an open person too.

Before praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus said to His disciples: "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and keep watch with Me." (Matthew 26:38)

Imagine that you were in the disciples' position in that situation. How would it feel when Jesus, your Teacher, said that He was so sorrowful that He felt like dying? You might fall silent, unsure of what to say. After all, He is my teacher, you might think. He surely knows better what to do.

Friend, openness is not about looking for solutions, but about valuing and considering someone's presence important. Jesus could have chosen not to express His feelings to His disciples. After all, it was not certain that they could help. Yet Jesus did it because He loved them. For Jesus, their relationship was more than just teacher and disciples, but friends.

“You are My friends if you do what I command you.” (John 15:14)

Do we regard God as our friend? Have we opened ourselves to God and to our brothers and sisters? Come, let us learn to become open people as an expression of our appreciation and love for God and for others.

In conclusion, to be free from loneliness, we need to focus on building relationships with God and with others, by opening ourselves first. May these two tips help you overcome loneliness and become a blessing to us all. Amen.