Does Your Marriage Feel Stale? Try These 3 Solutions!

Vegetables without salt will surely taste bland. The same is true of marriage if it is without love and passion. There are no more sparks of love, no more excitement. Only the same routine repeating over and over.

After 12 years of married life, there came a time when the relationship between my wife and me felt stale. Marriage felt less enjoyable, even boring. How could it not? We saw each other every day. Living life with the same person, sometimes with the same problems and weaknesses too.

No wonder doubts began to arise. Could the two of us preserve our marriage ?

When Marriage Feels Stale

I still remember when our marriage began to feel boring. We grew weary of living the same days over and over. Wake up, work, come home from work, eat dinner, then sleep. 

While we were dating, we could hardly wait to meet and talk about many things. After being married for so many years, there came a feeling of boredom in seeing and talking with each other. I felt reluctant to share my heart with my spouse. On top of that, I had often seen my wife's faults and weaknesses. As a result, our marriage felt flat and boring. What mattered was simply not hurting each other. 

Until we realized that we had been living a marriage without purpose. We no longer understood why we had married. We each held on to our ego and pride. No wonder, our marriage became stale. 

How Do You Break Free from Staleness?

Then one day I came across these words: Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is very special. Falling in love is easy, but continuing to love is far more special.

I completely agree with the saying above. To preserve love, especially in marriage, effort and commitment are needed. Is that easy? Certainly not.

Looking back at our marriage , I realized that we needed to change. There were efforts we needed to make so that our marriage could break free from that stale feeling.

Based on my experience, there are 3 things I decided to do to rekindle the fire of love .

1. Remembering the Marriage Vows

Remembering our marriage vows can be a good first step.

Matthew 19: 5-6 And He said: For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.

Here Jesus is explaining the meaning of marriage: a man and a woman leave their parents and become one flesh. This means that the two of them commit to living together, promising to remain together for life and death.

That concept describes marriage well. Faithful forever until death parts us, and faithful only to my spouse.

The meaning of those wedding vows is very strong and deep. As a husband, it is only right that I remain faithful to the end. I must strive to nurture feelings of love and affection for my wife. Only death will separate the two of us. 

If your marriage feels stale, try remembering those marriage vows again. Remind yourself and plant this in your heart and mind, “I have promised to be faithful, to care for, and to love her until death parts us.”

Do you remember the vows you spoke when you were married? Use those vows to motivate yourself again.

2. Rekindling the Fire of Love

Do you still remember the feeling of love you had for your wife at the beginning of marriage? After being married for so long, I realized that the feelings of love were no longer burning so intensely. It is no longer time to base actions on feelings. It is time for me to act in loving my wife based on commitment. 

That is the key to rekindling the fire in our marriage . But concretely, what can be done?

I took action to love my wife. Cooking her favorite instant noodles, helping with the housework when she was tired, and setting aside time for dates in romantic places. Not only enjoying the atmosphere, we would talk about many things heart to heart.  

Ecclesiastes 9:9 (TB)  Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your fleeting life, which the LORD has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in the toil at which you labor under the sun.

If your married life starts to feel stale, it is time for you to take action and revive the fire of love that has grown dim. Start with small actions that mean a lot to your spouse. For example, cook their favorite food, do something they like, or give a surprise gift.

3. Focus on Your Spouse's Strengths

At times, I felt annoyed by my wife's weaknesses. Especially after seeing those weaknesses repeated again and again. The temptation not to forgive or love would come.

But I was reminded of the verse below.

Colossians 3:13 (TB)  Bear with one another, and forgive one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must do. 

Whenever I was tempted to keep remembering my wife's mistakes, I would focus on remembering her strengths and kindness instead. In that way, our relationship was preserved.

The Lord wants us not to hold grudges against one another. On the contrary, we need to keep forgiving one another. That is what we need to do in marriage: forgive your husband or wife. Focus on their strengths more than their weaknesses. In that way, marriage can also feel joyful.

Believe it, that will greatly help preserve the fire of love in your marriage!

Keep Loving One Another

There will be times when marriage feels stale. But when that happens, make sure you make the right decision, which is to commit to loving your spouse.

As was said above, love does not depend only on feelings, but on actions. The right actions will certainly bring flavor back to your marriage !

References:

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