Cultivate Your “Field”: Build These Traits Before a Special Relationship (2)

In the previous article, we learned about the importance of cultivating the field for singles, as well as the first four character traits that need to be built before entering a dating relationship. Here are four areas of the field that are just as important for you to manage:

Area 5: Serving

She rises while it is still night, then provides food for her household, and assigns tasks to her female servants. – Proverbs 31:15

When you are in a relationship, what matters most is “we,” not “me.” When you say you are ready to date, it means you are also ready for marriage. Which means you are also ready to serve, not to be served. You are ready to understand others, not only to be understood. 

There will be times when you feel tired, but your partner needs you to listen to their concerns because, for example, they are stressed. There will be times when you do not want to go, but your partner wants you to accompany them to an event that is important to them. Once again, you need to deny yourself. These are only a few of the sacrifices you may make while dating. 

What about life after marriage? There is no need to ask, because there will certainly be many more. 

Are you someone who likes to serve? If not, start cultivating this field as soon as possible. Service has a wide scope, from simply listening to taking care of someone who is sick. From simply giving a gift to cooking or taking your child/spouse somewhere, even when you are very tired. If you need to grow in this area, take time to practice now, so that you will not be surprised when the time comes.

Area 6: Time Management

Therefore, pay close attention to how you live, not as unwise people, but as wise, making the most of the time, because these days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15-16

Let’s answer honestly, how is your time management right now? Do you often feel overwhelmed because of the many things that have to be done? Or do you feel quite capable of managing your time well? 

Time management is an important skill that you must develop from now on. If while you are still single you are always stressed by a chaotic schedule, then what will happen later when there are two of you, or even three when you have a child? You will have to set aside even more time to build your relationship and your household, right?

Cultivating your field in this area is indeed not easy, but that does not mean it is impossible. There are many digital calendar apps or to-do list that can help improve your time management . Learn from people you know are more skilled in this area.

Time management is closely related to discipline. Not only does this field require you to practice setting priorities for your activities, it also requires you to be more disciplined. This clearly brings many benefits for you now and in the future. 

Area 7: Finances

She buys a field she desires, and from the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She knows that her income is profitable; at night her lamp does not go out. – Proverbs 31:16,18

Her clothing is strength and honor, and she laughs at the days to come. – Proverbs 31:25

Besides time, financial management is something that is no less important. If communication is the main cause of divorce, financial problems are the second. Just imagine, if even before having a boyfriend/girlfriend or getting married you are already scrambling to manage your personal finances, what will it be like later when you have a family? 

Whether you are a man or a woman, you must be able to manage your finances well. It is true that men bear more responsibility for the family’s needs. However, that does not mean women do not need to know financial management strategies. A wife also plays an important role in managing a family’s finances.

How healthy are your finances right now? Do you always run out of money before the end of the month? Are you carrying a lot of debt because your spending exceeds your means? Be careful if you experience these things often. No matter how much income you and your partner have, if you cannot manage your spending, that money will quickly run out. You will become stressed, and it is very possible that you will end up trapped in debt here and there. 

Plan and control your financial categories well. Write down what you need to spend / pay each month, make a scale of priorities, and be disciplined with your spending. Do not waste money on things that are not important. Saving will become an important provision for you later on. 

Area 8: Purity

Do you view purity as something important? If not, take time for self-reflection: what kind of relationship do you want to build with your partner? What is your purpose in entering a relationship? 

I want to build a family in the Lord so that one day my family and I can be together in heaven. Therefore, having a pure relationship is one of the standards and goals I pursue.  

Many people think purity is only important for people who are already dating or married, and that it does not need to be considered while they are single. However, if you are familiar with the saying, “you reap what you sow,” your single season is that season of sowing. If you sow purity in your life, you will also reap a pure relationship later.

For whatever a person sows, that is what he will also reap. For whoever sows to his flesh will reap destruction from the flesh, but whoever sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. – Galatians 6:7b-8

Are you often ruled by impure thoughts? Are you struggling with things related to sexual immorality right now? The single season is the right time to fight for a pure life. If while you are single you are already overwhelmed in this area, what will happen later when you are getting in a relationship? 

God wants His children to live holy and pleasing before Him. He also wants to bless you with a single life and a beautiful and healthy marriage. Therefore, cultivate your field in this area by striving to live in purity as early as possible.

Ask yourself, “What am I pursuing from this relationship?” If you desire a relationship that is pleasing before God, guarding purity is the answer. You can become a stumbling block or a protector for your partner, and your relationship can become a blessing or a disgrace, it all depends on how seriously you treat this matter of purity. 

Live as obedient children and do not follow the lusts that controlled you in your former ignorance, but be holy in all your life just as He who called you is holy, because it is written: Be holy, for I am holy. – 1 Peter 1:14-16

Singles, pray for a life partner to God the way you ask God to send rain for your field: while preparing, sowing, and watering that field as well as possible. Keep developing the previous four areas and these four areas before you enter the relationship you have been longing for. Happy practicing! 

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References:
www.huffpost.com/entry/divorce-causes-_n_4304466
www.crosswalk.com/family/singles/7-practices-you-need-to-embrace-before-entering-a-relationship.html

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