Building a Marriage That Inspires Your Child

The quality of our marriage will be clearly seen in our child. This is because they notice every detail of what we do, day after day. How a father treats mother, and how a mother treats father. In fact, a child's growth will be determined by the quality of the parents' marriage.

How can that be? Research shows that a child's development, whether physical, mental, or intellectual, is greatly influenced by the harmony of the parents, you know. If the marriage is going well, a child can grow and develop optimally. On the other hand, if the marriage is going badly, the child's development will also be disturbed. 

Therefore, it is important for us to ask: what is the quality of our marriage today? Has it become an example for our child?

A Bad Marriage = A Bad Example

One bad incident reminds me of this.

It is still fresh in my memory, an event about 4 years ago. A fairly intense argument between my wife and me. Worse still, it happened in front of our child, who was 4 years old at the time.

As a husband, I felt truly upset by the attitude of my wife which I thought had hurt me (which, as it turned out, she did not do intentionally). Because what was in my heart was not conveyed, my anger exploded tremendously. Like an atomic bomb exploding at Pearl Harbor.

With uncontrolled anger, I threw an iron fan onto the bedroom floor. I even lifted the mattress with all my strength, but I could not hold it. The fan broke and was shattered. Worse, I did that in front of my child, who was with my wife in our room. Our child then cried in fear. 

What impact did that incident have on my child? To this day, my child still remembers what I did that night. Besides that, my child began to imitate my behavior. He would throw things when angry. It took hard work to correct his behavior.

I once advised my child to control his emotions. He replied, “Better than Daddy, getting angry and throwing a fan.” From that moment on, I resolved to improve our marriage. 

How Do We Build a Marriage That Inspires Our Child?

Among the many principles of marriage, the principle in Ephesians 5:22-26 is the best. A husband must love his wife, and a wife submit to her husband. Those are indeed good things that must be done, and they will have a very good impact on the quality of our marriage. 

However, if you already have children, the principle above is only the beginning. For our marriage to become a good example for our child, there are 3 things you need to do as husband and wife.

1. Do Not Argue in Front of Your Child

When angry, it is very easy for our minds to become clouded. We want to pour out our emotions immediately. By quickly venting our anger, it feels very relieving for ourselves. Worse, anger often blinds us. Even if a child is watching, we still  argue fiercely. This will make a child feel afraid, depressed, and even blame himself.

Proverbs 29:11 says, A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person eventually quiets it. If we get angry without caring about the consequences, we have become fools.

Do you want to make your child afraid of you? Therefore, avoid arguing in front of your child. Never resolve problems while still burning with anger! When you are tempted to pour out your anger, it is better to be alone first. Calm yourself down, and then talk about it with your spouse at another time.

2. Show Mutual Love in Front of Your Child

It has become common advice that husband and wife must love one another. What is the basis for husband and wife to love one another? Humility toward each other is one of those foundations. 

There is one verse that helps me in this. It says in Ephesians 4 : 2, “Always be humble, gentle, and patient. Show your love by helping one another.” 

We need to be sensitive to our spouse's needs. As husbands, we can gladly help our wives with the housework. Whether sweeping, mopping, or washing the dishes. As wives, we can serve our husbands cheerfully. Serving a glass of a husband's favorite coffee with a smile will make him feel loved. Especially when the husband comes home from work, “Dad, what drink would you like me to make, iced cappuccino or iced orange juice?” 

Just imagine how a husband feels when he is loved by his wife. Just imagine how a wife feels when she is loved by her husband.

Occasionally we may show affection in front of our child. Of course, within reasonable limits. This may be in the form of kissing a wife's forehead, saying goodbye affectionately, or holding hands while taking a walk with the child. The presence of love between husband and wife makes a child feel safe.

3. Be an Example in Loving God

What else can we do as an example for our child? A life that loves God is very important to live out. Just imagine when a child sees his parents faithfully praying and reading the Word every day. What will the child feel? They will admire our sincerity in loving the Father in heaven. That will inspire the child to love God. 

Loving God can also be shown by helping those in need. For example, giving to people who are lacking. As well as our concern for people around us, whether toward neighbors or church friends. 

As it is written in Deuteronomy 6: 5-7, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commands that I give you today must be on your heart. Teach them diligently to your children and talk about them when you sit at home, when you are on the road, when you lie down, and when you get up.” As parents, it is important for us to keep teaching our child to love God.

I believe that when we as parents love God, our family too will be close, warm, and harmonious. A child feels safe in the family and in God.

Dear all Fathers and Mothers, Let Us Show Love!

Only in the Lord can a good marriage be formed. We will be equipped with understanding to build a good marriage. What is one result of a good marriage? One of them is your love for your child.

Do you long to see your children grow up fully? Let us become fathers and mothers who love one another! A child will see that our marriage is an example for them in the future. 

https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/what-kids-learn-from-your-marriage/ -  Related Articles:

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