3 Tips for Christian Teens Facing a Broken Home

Being a teenager in a family that is broken home or no longer whole is not easy. Living through it is not as simple as saying it. Various pressures and questions can take turns arising in our hearts. Even though there is much we want to know, sometimes we are not ready to know the answers. 

The Struggle of Being in a Broken Home

For eighteen years I lived in a family that was broken home. Since I was three years old, I have never again seen the figure of the man called father. This situation forced me to let go, hold back my feelings, and pretend as if this had never happened in my life.

Elementary School was the period when I realized that my family was no longer whole because of my father's departure. My mental state was shattered. I blamed God, who had designed such an evil plan for my family. "Why does God have to make me face this situation?" God is cruel! I do not believe in You anymore!" That was once the prayer I offered to God. 

As I entered my teens, my condition did not automatically become easier. At times I felt pressured, especially as the eldest son in the family. I have a mother and a younger brother who indirectly became my responsibility. I felt that my life was different, unlike children who are in a whole family.

Have you experienced the things above as well? How can we, as Christian teenagers, remain strong and not lose heart in the middle of a family situation that is broken home?

1. Accept Reality

My mother once told me that we used to live in a rented house with so many mosquitoes. One time, my father scolded my mother because she had not tried to keep me from mosquito bites, so my body was covered in bumps. After that, my father carried me and protected me from mosquito bites all night.

When I heard my mother's story, what crossed my mind was, "If my father loved me, his child, that much, why did he have the heart to leave us?" Even though it was hard and there were many things I did not understand, I needed to accept the reality of this. 

The first thing, and perhaps also the hardest thing for us to do, is accept reality. Accepting reality means that we no longer complain, keep asking "why," or act sullen because of this broken home situation. We can still have joy, and willingly take responsibility related to this situation. 

For example, if because of this situation we need to do more housework, then do it. Take the lesson from it and grow. Whatever happens, life must goes on. By refusing to accept reality, can we change the situation?

Learning from Joseph

We can learn from Joseph. He was hated and even thrown into Egypt by his brothers. Living far from his family, isolated, and having no one among another people made Joseph more than just broken home. Yet not once did he complain. He accepted his condition and even realized that God had a plan through his life (Genesis 45:5). 

But now, do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me ahead of you to preserve life. ─ Genesis 45:5 

Accepting reality is not easy, but it is something we very much need to have. There is no benefit in always blaming the situation. If we do not accept reality, we will not grow, we will always feel like victims, often pity ourselves, or feel worthless. 

Only after we succeed in accepting reality can we move on to the next stage.

2. Forgive and Make Peace with the Person or Situation That Caused the Broken Home

The mistake I made was trying hard to forget all the memories, feelings, and thoughts about my father. Sadly, forgetting is not the right way to be strong. It is only a temporary solution, because there will certainly be times when we will remember those memories again. And the sadness and disappointment will return. 

What we need to do is forgive the person who has hurt our hearts, and make peace, both with ourselves and with the situation. That way, we can live our days with greater joy and with lighter hearts. If one day those bitter memories return, we will no longer feel disappointed or bitter. In fact, we can be thankful and see the many good things in them. 

Bear with one another, and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you, and so you must do. ─ Colossians 3:13  

We need to forgive others, because the Lord has forgiven us first. If we do not forgive others, the Lord will not forgive us either (Matthew 6:14-15). 

Forgiving and making peace do not happen instantly, but require extraordinary self-denial. It is like the saying, "hardship first, joy afterward." Forgiving is indeed hard at first, but after we succeed in forgiving, we will feel more relieved, lighter, and joyful. 

3. Make God's Word Your Guide for Living

Losing the figure of a father made me feel directionless in childhood. But my mother said, "Your father on earth may already have left us. Yet we have a far greater and more perfect Father who can be our role model or example, namely God."

My mother's words made me more confident and dependent on God. Still, I once wondered, how can God be an example, and a substitute for a father's presence in my life? 

All of that was answered in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, which says, "All Scripture inspired by God is indeed useful for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting and for training in righteousness. In this way every person who belongs to God is equipped for every good work."

A father teaches, points out faults, corrects behavior, and trains us. That is what God's word does. So does not God's word function like our earthly biological father? By living in His word, we allow God to take the role of our parent . In fact, far better, because He is always right, never wrong, and never disappoints. 

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, that is God in His holy dwelling. ─ Psalm 68:5 (TB) 

Whatever our family situation is right now, we have a perfect role model namely God. The two points above will also be hard for us to practice if they are not grounded in God's word. Let us make God and His word the standard for our lives.

Being in a broken home is not the end of everything. God still has many plans for you, as stated in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for peace and not for disaster, to give you a future full of hope."

Friends who are fighting this battle, let us face a broken home family situation by accepting reality, forgiving and making peace with what caused the broken home, and making God's word our guide for life. Come on, you can do it!

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Related Articles:

• Wise Methods for Teaching Teenagers to Fear the Lord
• 10 Things You Must Not Say to Your Teenager
• Effective Ways to Build a Close-Knit and Strong Family
• 6 Sins Parents Commit Against Their Children Without Realizing It
• The Key to Building Close Communication with Parents

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