10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Teenage Child

In raising children, we face different challenges at every stage of their lives. Raising teenagers cannot be said to be easier than raising younger children. At this age, they already have thoughts of their own, are searching for their identity, and tend to have unstable emotions.

A teenager’s emotions can be triggered by a single sentence. Therefore, it is important for parents to guard their words. We need to build their confidence and give a positive influence in every stage of their lives. This starts with us as parents. Why is that?

If we are not the first to support our children, then who will? Where will they turn, and what will they look for as an escape when they do not find it in us?

The following ten forbidden sentences are not only negative in tone, but can truly wound their hearts:

1. “Mom / Dad Is Busy, Don’t Bother Me.”

You may have said this before. Hopefully you only meant that you were busy at that moment. After all, it is not every moment that your child asks for family time. However, if this statement is repeated often, the child will come to believe that they are not important, and that there is no point in talking to their parents.

Before saying this, it would be good to ask in your heart: what is God’s perfect will regarding how you spend time with your child?

Truly, sons are a heritage from the LORD, and the fruit of the womb is a reward. 

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the one whose quiver is full of them. He will not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies at the gate.

– Psalm 127:3-5

How do you view the inheritance God has given? Children belong to the Lord. Give them your time, even if only for a moment, to respond when they ask. If you are truly busy, ask your child to wait a little while. However, do not forget to keep your promise to talk with them.

2. “You’re Too Fat / Too Skinny.”

This is something teenagers who are overweight or have struggles with food often hear. Your intention may be good, to lift your child’s spirits, but by saying this over and over, you are actually discouraging them.

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. – Proverbs 16:24

Choose words that build up. Beyond words, a parent’s actions are no less important. Be an example to your child. Invite them to exercise with you and apply a healthy lifestyle in the family.

3. “You’ll Never Be Able To Do It.”

This sentence has the potential to build a high wall of limitation in a child’s subconscious mind. Your intention may be to protect them from failure. However, do not forget that your child is beginning to enter the stage of adult growth. They can see that failure is part of the learning process.

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13

Parents need to keep reminding their children that in Christ they can do all things that please God. Words such as, “You’ll never be able to do it,” do not reflect the Word of God above. 

Various factors can lead parents to underestimate their children or be pessimistic about them. Perhaps you were already able to do certain things from a young age, and you judge that your child will not be able to do them as well as you did. Perhaps you once failed or experienced danger, so you want to protect your child from the same thing. Whatever the reason, your child will grow more through positive words.

For example, your child wants to go to and from school on their own. Do not immediately shut that possibility down. You can say, “We’re glad you have a desire to be independent. How about for now we still take you to and from school until you become skilled at driving and get your license?”

4. “You Have To Be like …”

When you intend to push your child’s achievement by putting pressure on them beyond reasonable limits, you risk destroying their fighting spirit. This is because it will plant the thought that nothing can ever satisfy their parents. In the end, the child may become hopeless, or afraid to face mistakes and failure, because they think they will no longer be loved.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23

Everyone has sinned, but God still receives all who repent. So, give guidance and encourage your child to grow with love, just as our Lord is full of justice and grace.

5. “Don’t Tell Other People About Your Problems.”

Teenagers usually feel more burdened to keep secrets. Whatever they want to know or express, they tend to say openly and honestly. Forbidding a child to talk to others will make them stressed because they cannot express their feelings.

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing secret that will not be known and brought to light. – Luke 8:17

Teach your child that there are things that may be told and things that may not be told. They must also learn to recognize and seek out people who can be trusted to help them. In that way, your child will be more at peace, will not bottle up their feelings alone, and will receive help from people they can rely on.

6. “You’re Worthless.”

Do not, just because your child makes one mistake, then say that they are worthless.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for peace and not for disaster, to give you a future full of hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

The people of Israel learned a valuable lesson while they were in exile in Babylon. God still loved them by calling them back to the land of Israel. After returning, they never worshiped idols again until now. 

There will certainly be consequences for a child’s mistakes, but assure them that they are still precious in God’s eyes, and certainly in your eyes as well.

7. “Mom / Dad Hates You.”

When a child does wrong, we still have to choose to forgive. We must always remember that God is love. God loves us and forgives our sins.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. – 1 John 4:8

I believe that if we truly know Jesus, we will have love and find it easy to forgive. Help your child learn to love God by showing God’s character to them through yourself. Forgive them when they do wrong. Lead your child to know God, and give them an example through your own actions and words.

8. “We Never Wanted a Child like You / Why Do I Have a Child like You?”

This sentence is truly painful for anyone to hear, at any age, because it carries the meaning of an unwanted birth. I have heard stories from several friends about how painful it was to hear these words from their parents, and how they could not forget them for years.

It is important for us to always remember that it is God who created our children. God created a unique individual through the process of the strongest and fastest sperm fertilizing the best egg cell.

“Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you, and before you came out of the womb, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1: 5

God knows your children, and He placed them on earth to do His works. Our desires may be very different from God’s desires. However, be assured that God has never created someone He does not love. So, do not let these words come out of your lips.

9. “You Are a Mistake.”

This sentence is just as bad as the previous one. Your child was not born because of their own mistake, nor because of your mistake that must be regretted. Even if it was the result of a mistake, are these words fitting to be spoken to a child? Would that not discourage them and destroy their self-worth?

For You formed my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. – Psalm 139:13

It is God who formed your child while they were still in the womb. He loves your child and created them with such detail, just as He loves you.

10. “Go, and Don’t Ever Come Back!”

Conflict or arguments with children are sometimes unavoidable. There are times when we are angry and disappointed. When this happens, remember that a child is not a burden in life or an enemy to be avoided. We must be grateful for their presence as a gift from God.

One thing I have asked of the LORD, that is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the goodness of the LORD and to enjoy His temple. – Psalm 27:4

David greatly enjoyed his relationship with God, and he wanted to live in God all his life. Your child will certainly be hurt if they hear that they are no longer wanted in their parents’ life. 

The solution to our irritation is not to cut off the relationship, but to resolve the problem. If conflict with your child is difficult to resolve, do not let the problem drag on. Try asking for help from a mentor or fellow believers you can trust. You can also see how to encourage your child to be emotionally healthier in this article.

Learning not to say negative sentences to our children makes us realize how important our support as parents is for them. Let us choose words that carry love, build faith, and encourage our children!

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References:
www.crosswalk.com/slideshows/10-things-never-to-say-to-your-adult-children.html?utm_source=blueconic&utm_medium=contentrec

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